Fear? What Is Fear?

Fear? What is fear?

I used to hurl myself at solid objects on a thousand pounds of trained instinct. I chased the thrill. I felt the pounding of my own heart beating in unison with the heart that carried me and together we conquered.

Of course I felt fear. But I harnessed it, sat upon it and willed it to chase down more fear. Because I gazed through eager ears and overcame obstacles with every hoof beat, I considered myself quite brave and quite successful.

If I was so brave succeeding at something so challenging, how could I have fear? That was enough, right? I’m doing it. I’m conquering life!

Well…..

Eventually I came to learn that, regardless of the very real physical dangers of my chosen sport, I had been playing it safe.

I stared fear in the face when I could see it. But because my focus was so fixed upon the obvious fear I placed in front of me, I missed the very root of my fear lurking quietly beneath the surface.

You see fear is very subtle. It lies dormant under the layers of your projections. It seeps out slowly and silently, so skilled at its craft it goes unnoticed as it continues to infiltrate, affecting every decision you make. You only think you’re free of fear until you part the veil and take a closer look.

I realize now that by harnessing my bravery to my horse I was actually ignoring my real fears. If my real fears resemble the roots, then my horse and I were conquering the twigs.

My real fears posed so much more danger than I could ever have imagined for they manipulated every decision I ever made. I was a prisoner of conditioning, trained by my unconscious fears…my unconscious instincts…

I was afraid to be true to myself and I didn’t even know it.

I was afraid to ask for help and I overburdened myself.

I was afraid of setting boundaries and I overextended myself.

I was afraid of disappointing others so I sacrificed myself.

I was afraid of making a mistake so I did what I was told.

I was afraid to lead so I followed.

I was afraid of attention so I kept my mouth shut.

I was afraid of hurting someones feelings so I betrayed my own.

I was afraid of shining so I kept myself dull.

Overcoming the root of your fears is the greatest adventure you can take in this life. While it may not win you prizes, it takes far more courage and the payoff of freeing your SOUL is absolutely priceless.